Gnomes

Probably the least interesting tossers to gain notoriety. A Garden crashing menace living a completely frivolous lifestyle. Harassing the lower and middle classes for their own amusement, while stealing, committing arson and demanding ransom in the form of rice porridge.

Dunce

Unarguably the jester of the lot, made to face the corner of the classroom in shame. They have been taking the piss one too many times and now the hammer has fallen. But to daft to understand the consequences the jokesters repeatedly return to old offending ways with the same outcome every time. “Prison: locked up like an animal, a job: no prospects, dole: no cash, thieving: no more chances, prison: an animal, round and round you go.”

Ku Klux Klan

The most spectacular congregation of cock sucking twats wearing pointy hats you will ever lay your eyes upon. In their off time these xenophobic wannabe ghosts enjoy spending time in shit filled fields goggling at Christless burning crucifixes. Furthermore, this bunch of knobheads often get their blooming kicks from harming innocent people with specific ethnicities.

Priests & Popes

Bringing back misogyny and spreading self-loathing beyond belief, for an exclusive chance to capitalise on the suffering of the wicked. Beside their somewhat Andrew Tate like approach to life, they do bugger all except conversing with their imaginary friend and sometimes hitting up children, for purely religious reasons. But enough slander about these saints of sanity.

Wizard & Witches

Evicted from their council flats due to an disorderly conduct combined with a welfare system in hasty decline, they were forced onto the streets, where sleeping rough in abandoned telephone boxes has become their reality. Instead of looking for employment they are often found stumbling aimlessly around Shoreditch, totally rat-arsed performing cheap tricks for unsuspecting lampposts.

Madonna

A site to behold if your eyes don’t melt right out of your skull. Once thought of as a sex symbol at the pinnacle of her career, but she took it too far and now resembles a sad old leathery relic. Most famous for dressing her tits up in a way that can only be described as cultural appropriation towards indigenous Americans and their living accommodation. These pointy marvels ressemble party hats.